You have the Right to remain Silent

Have you ever peed on the street? Come on, no excuse. I’m sure you did. Do I see you nodding yes? Cause if so, you are in huge trouble. At least if you live somewhere in the United States. ‘Cause obviously it’s a major crime here. You may wonder why I know that. So let’s just say a good friend of mine told me this story recently. Since it happened to him that he got apprehended by two NYPD police officers while peeing on the street. But this isn’t the most interesting part to the story. It’s more interesting that they handcuffed him right away and put him in their car – treating him like he’d killed somebody. So after a free ride in an NYC police car they took him into custody for an hour with the whole entertainment you might know from the movies. Ok, as far as I was told there were no mug-shots, but the poor guy was certainly forced to hand out all of his personal belongings such as his belt, scarf, wallet etc. After a questioning of 45 minutes, the guy was still handcuffed at the time, the officers sort of announced his plead: Guilty in first degree Public Urination.

Hold on guys, the story gets better. After they released him, without bail thank God, they let him know that his crime will come to trail. Of course it will, since it was a major assault against the United States, its President and all United Churches within this God blessed country. But let’s rather stick to the facts within this pre-trial record: On July 21st at 9:30am there will be held a trail on this hideous crime. Until then, the defendant has to check in twice a week with his probation officer to discuss changes in his peeing behavior. Since of the incident the sidewalk moistener is only allowed to pee under the supervision of a state official. During his trial in mid July a jury is going to decide whether he has to serve a lifelong sentence in Guantanmo or is put on death row in New York City’s notorious Rikers Island jail which will rather be the case, since the authorities there just got rid of Mr. Strauss-Kahn and therefore can provide an open spot.

Please be advised not to comment on this entry. All your statements can and will be held against you in the court of law.

Sincerely,
U.S. Department of Justice, Land of the free and home of the brave

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